Andrew Kaye


Interpersonal Epidemic

I don’t need your extra sadness,
I’ve got plenty of my own,
but you:
clutch me tighter,
cry into my shoulder,
refuse to stop until there’s
no emotion left in you
and far too much in me.

They say that misery loves company.
That’s because misery is a disease
you need to spread to feel better.


The President of the World

walked in.
we had been slacking off.

he gave us a lecture:
he wasn’t always President,
he had to work hard,
and make sacrifices,
and persevere,
and all that other bullshit,
to get where he was today.

and so he fired us,
by which I mean:
he set us both on fire.


Mantis

Pray.
Pray that you’ll be safe.
Pray that you’ll be strong.
Pray that you’ll survive the horrors of
Sexually Transmitted Decapitations and
Post-coitus cannibalism


Midgard Serpent

The Midgard Serpent
lounges at the bottom of the ocean’s
darkest, freezing depths,
wrapped
around the entire globe with
his tail in his mouth,
his end in his teeth.
He grumbles,
mutters,
desperately praying
for a bowel obstruction.


Dandruff

God purchased a new type of shampoo
to rid Himself of His dandruff problem.
It doesn’t snow anymore.